Balance be damned


  • writing for 2 (!) hours yesterday
  • 6am yoga for making me sweat like a mutha
  • new followers on my blog! (my only followers :))
  • honoring myself in what I feel that I must do

I’ve been talking a lot about my creative goals. What I must do. Blah blah blah blah-de-shut up. I love that I feel motivated and inspired to do my creative things. I hate that I am still very negative. That’s the challenge of it all: not to judge. So, I scream “don’t judge!”. Instead, I go through a wide range of emotions in one second (kind of like the kids I am teaching right now).

The goal that I am working on right now is making time to write 2 hours a day. Every day. Yesterday, ACCOMPLISHED! Therefore, I felt accomplished. I guess my intention for yoga class worked. Today, I was less focused in yoga, set an intention nonetheless, and sweated my hoo ha off.

I get home exhausted with a busted voice from yelling at my little animal characters all day. No matter how much I use my actor training and support my voice with my diaphragm, my voice  is still gonna be jacked when I come home. I sit down to write even though my brain wants a nap. I set my timer and write my gratiludes. My gentleman lover is out on our deck hard at work with chicken wire and a staple gun slinger…thing. We are going to patch the stucco on the outside of our house this weekend. He watched some YouTube videos so that makes us professionals.

I hear, “Hey can you put some gloves on and come hold this?”

Then my emotions went through a crazy spike for about 1 second. Of course I want to help. Of course I want to help do house projects that I don’t really know how to do. In all honesty, I should have nothing but many huge gratiludes for him because I have a place to live. But what about my creative goals!?

It goes back to yesterday, thinking of balance. How does one balance work, creative goals and real life stucco projects? It does take a certain amount of sacrifice. Like not laying down and watching TV. Many times in my creative life, people in my life have not understood “what I do.” Eff, I don’t even understand what I do. The most major progress I have made in the past month is acknowledging that this IS what I do…honoring it. Because sometimes it does feel like I will die if I don’t finish this play.

Here I am, after doing some ladder holding (then passing out on the couch because my brain told me I had to), now I am finally finishing this post. I know that I won’t get to write as much I would like to in my play. However, I do look at this blogging as writing. It warms me up for what I need to do. Then, at some point I will be able to just to write for 2 hours on my plays.

As I tell myself to stop being a judgmental bitch… I berate myself for not running/working out. I congratulate myself on eating pretty cleanly the first half of the day, as type with one hand and dig the other one into a bag of Hint of Lime Tortilla Chips (I have to snack when I write. It’s one of my things. Not a great thing when my goal is to write for 2 hours a day). I hate myself as I wipe the Hint of Lime away from under my nails. I smile thinking about the classes I taught today…One of my classes will be putting on a 3 minute world premiere play at the end of camp. I don’t want to give away too much but it does have a villain named “The Puzzle Piecer.” If you think of a good title let me know. I also WAS able to sneak in a little Meisner in my teaching today (Meisner: 1, Bad Habits: 0).I shake my head at the fact that I haven’t done enough actor’s homework on a scene I want to shoot for my demo reel and I haven’t looked for an acting class to keep myself “in shape.” Sigh.

…to be continued.


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