It may seem dark, but there’s always light on…somewhere




  • Feeling really grateful for the support I had to get through one of the roughest times of my life a couple of years ago (yes, a cliche breakup)
  • Had a shoot on Sat. with a new company — and hopefully they will ask me back 🙂
  • Submitted to some projects
  • Gave my information to a feature film shoot in SF at my alma mater (AAU)
  • My agent said she would represent and submit my play to the new play competition (!) (check my previous post for the link to the Marin Theatre Company’s competition)
  • Getting some help on revisions (they are dreadfully needed) on my play
  • One of my closest friends coming for a visit this week- hang out time and creative working time
  • Got some work done around the house
  • Started logging my calories again (just as a gentle reminder to myself, not to pig the eff out) (I use myfitnesspal — it’s a great app!)

So today started my little break from my summer job. It makes me a little scared and a happy all at the same time. I mean, it stresses me out since I am already the way less earner in this relationship…so it can make a girl feel anxious and a little hopeless at the same time. But, I keep repeating some words of wisdom that I learned from my mentor, to think of this business as a business. Often times, you can think of this industry (acting, writing, film, theatre, whatever) as a scrape by the seat of your ass event and well I know it hasn’t served me to my fullest in the past so I am trying to change my perception. I feel better about it and I think it’s working.

Keeping things in perspective, I am still reminding myself of the good (financial) things to come from booking my national while fretting that the commercial will stop airing in an hour and then my residuals would be somewhere close to depressing. But, I am looking forward as well. What good projects are out there…where haven’t I looked? what haven’t I submitted to? why haven’t I gotten new headshots yet? is that what is holding me back? why haven’t I worked out in a week? And so on.

I had a convo today via computer chat…and it reminded me of a not so distant past where I couldn’t sleep, was super duper awful broke, and thought I needed to give up on my creative goals because I was useless. (Yes, it was my “lost year” in Vegas) Then, it reminded me of the amazing people in my life that helped me get through that era. I honestly look back, think back, read things I had written during that time and I don’t know how I survived. I mean, I am pretty sure I would still have a beating heart and pumping blood but I wouldn’t be alive… I probably really would be useless. It made me thankful all over again and I hope to pay them back soon. I don’t know if I am anywhere close to enlightenment due to that very loooong year or two– maybe someday I will float into the 4th dimension.

So I will sit here in my house with new windows (pics to come– DIY before and after) and a clean floor – hopefully it will last for at least a day– I will worry that I spent all my time cleaning and doing laundry while watching Scrubs on Netflix that I have not written today…but I know that I will write at least an hour tonight because I am doing what I need to do to get it done.

Leave the light on.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s