Gratiludes:
- Another Dan Bell Casting audition
- A stock photography shoot (easy, short, a little extra cash, and some new shots)
- My good friend is reviewing my play so she can help me stream line in order to have it ready to submit
- Submitted to some projects and an audition at the San Diego Rep (fingers crossed)
- Submitting my “stuff” to a manager – hopefully they will want to take a meeting
- Bikram yoga 2x this week- going again today (at a new studio- Bikram La Mesa)
- Went for a run (let’s call it what it is, shall me: it was a jog/walk/with some hills and a lot more stairs than I wanted) to get back into it
- Celebrating my gentleman lover’s birthday
I haven’t written enough, even though, I have had this week off from working. I feel like I have been busy the whole time though. Lots of sweeping the dirt and grime on the floors that come from home improvement projects. Today there is stuccoing going on…so once again I will be sweeping floors and what not. Oh, if you remember, my gentleman lover did attempt to do the stucco, then the stucco flew over the deck into the yard where it has hardened in the foliage. He got mad at the stucco. Hence, we have a guy doing the stucco with my gentleman dutifully helping by mixing stucco and transporting it up a ladder.
I sit here feeling a little inadequate. Cleaned up the kitchen, made a good breakfast and tracked my calories (myfitnesspal), put laundry in the wash, but changed my plans to going to work out this afternoon and running the rest of the birthday planning errands for my gentleman’s bday. But now I feel the pressure to make sure I write brilliantly. Which did not happen a couple of days ago. I barely wrote for an hour and that was after a change of scenery to a coffee shop to help me concentrate better. I did finish the scene I was working on. The third Act feels meandering and I am wondering if this will be ready to submit but Aug 31 to the new play contest. Ugh. I’m not really expecting anything to come out of it but I want to feel confident to put it out there.
All in all, I will say since I have been writing down my interludes of graditude have helped me keep my demons of negativity and self doubt at bay. Also, it definitely has been easier to control the jealous monster. Of course, I am supremely happy when those I care about conquer and prevail but yes I get jealous because I want to conquer and prevail too! Having documented my small wins (no matter how small), help me easily recall the steps I am taking to honor myself while I am hustling. It keeps my brain and emotions working together instead of working against each other. I encourage anybody reading (anybody?) to try it. Write it down, anywhere, anytime. Once a week, once a day – make sure you know what goals you are trying to achieve (doesn’t matter how small).
I mean, scoring an audition and getting there and trying not to judge everything is already hard enough. For example:
Above is a text I sent to my friend during an audition. The place can get crazy and your head can get crazier. So no matter how you need to help yourself hang ten…do it. So while I am always desperately hoping that someone calls/emails/texts me to let me know that I am fab and the part is mine. I have to breathe and focus. I have dwelling on the fact that I haven’t heard back from the East West Players- sigh- I don’t think I got a call back. Which makes me bummed out but I can’t just keep thinking about it. It won’t do me any good. East West Players, call me!!!
Alright, now to write, so that I can have a productive rest of my day. I must bake lemon bars to perfection today (no bday cake, but trying to make one of his favs…). I am hoping the Ina Garten recipe won’t fail me and neither will my baking skills.
I’m trying not be the one thing that stands in my way.
Dana Does... 